Intersex for parents

Intersex for parents logo
We hope that this page will be helpful to you if you have a new baby, or if you’re planning a pregnancy, or you’ve recently discovered that your child has an intersex variation, sometimes called a “DSD” or “disorder of sex development”.

Baby M's story, photograph by Minna Burgess

Gold Coast photographer Minna Burgess shared Baby M’s story in 2015. M’s mother Jane says:
“We hope to give M enough support and guidance that he will always feel comfortable and never ashamed of himself. My biggest wish for M is happiness and acceptance. I just want him to be happy.”
Photograph kindly shared with permission from Minna Burgess.

Bodily diversity is natural

With your love and support, your child is as capable as any other of growing up to be happy, healthy and successful. It’s ok to feel uncertainty and concern for the future. These are feelings that all parents share. What matters most is that you love and accept your child.

Shame and secrecy create unhealthy outcomes for your child and your entire family. Acceptance is healthy. Honesty and openness are the best gifts that your family can share. If your child’s characteristics are presented in a simple, matter-of-fact manner, then your child will understand them in this way.

Bodily diversity is normal and natural. All sorts of people live happily with different kinds of bodies and genitals. We don’t recommend making decisions based on demands for quick action, or relieving your own anxiety. We believe that children should grow up free to make their own choices about irreversible changes to their bodies.

Surgical and hormonal “normalising” treatments reinforce stigma and shame, rather than addressing them. Cosmetic surgical interventions may be intended to fix immediate issues of appearance, but there’s no evidence of benefit from such medical interventions. They are known to have damaging consequences for intimacy and sexual function in later life. Like any child, intersex kids may grow up to identify in ways that are not expected.

Surgeries are also unlikely to create physical normality. Gonadectomies create a need for lifelong hormone treatment; genital and other surgeries always damage nerve tissue. Repeat surgeries may be necessary as children get older – this is a particular risk with hypospadias surgeries and vaginoplasties, but it is also the case with other genital surgeries. Bear in mind that all early exposure to general anaesthetic is now associated with developmental delays at school.

We believe that surgical and hormonal interventions need to be evidenced, and carefully justified, based on the long-term interests of the recipient. If surgery is proposed, ask for firm evidence of necessity and good outcomes from any doctor and hospital seeking to perform surgery on your child. Make sure this evidence is written down and properly documented, and make sure it is relevant to the specific circumstances of your child. Keep a record.


This video has been published by United Nations for Intersex Awareness. Read the accompanying website

Medical interventions and human rights

Irreversible, invasive and deferrable surgeries to modify the sex characteristics of infants, children and adolescents have human rights implications. Some UN institutions have described some current clinical practices in Australia as “harmful practices”, comparable to forced marriage and female genital mutilation.

You should never be put into a position where you are asked by clinicians to consent to such practices on behalf of your child, but this may still happen. Get in contact with us if you feel any doubt.


Stephani and Eric Lohman, authors of the book Raising Rosie: Our Story of Parenting an Intersex Child talk about their child. The book was published in 2018.

Announcing a birth

Often, the first thing people might ask is if your child is a boy or a girl, and this can feel scary if you don’t yet have clear information. It’s ok to delay an announcement until you’re ready.

One strategy you can use is to name your child with a gender-neutral name – a name used for boys and girls. There are many great gender-neutral names.

It is possible to disclose a more likely sex of rearing, based on early advice. In this scenario it isn’t necessary to disclose any more personal information unless the assigned sex changes.


A video by Human Rights Watch in the US, that accompanied a major report published in 2017.

Choosing a sex

In the society we live in, assigning your child male or female is appropriate. Choose whichever seems predominant, based on the information available to you. Recognise that, like any child, this assignment might change in future. Bear in mind that sex assignment does not actually require surgical or hormonal treatment.

Most importantly, don’t feel pressured to make decisions fast. Gather information, come talk with intersex-led support organisations.

Adolescence

Puberty means that bodies change, and diagnosis with an intersex variation can happen at puberty or during adolescence. The same issues that arise with infant genital surgeries can also happen with medical interventions during adolescence. These can include interventions based on presumed gender identity. Research published in 2016 has shown high rates of early school leaving due, in part, to the impact of medical interventions during puberty.

Adolescents need to be fully involved in decision-making, and access to peers is essential to enable good decision-making.

My kid has had surgery, but…

It’s often the case that parents come and find us when something unexpected happens: surgery didn’t work out as expected, or your child grows up to have a different gender identity to the one originally expected.

We know that it can be difficult making decisions, and there can be a lot of pressure to act quickly without good information on the long-term consequences. The support that we offer is constrained because we depend on volunteers, but we’re happy to do our best to help – without judgement – regardless of your child’s history.


Ori and Kristina Turner in Raising the world and an intersex child, a 2018 video by NBC News. Read the related feature ‘You can’t undo surgery’: More parents of intersex babies are rejecting operations

What kinds of diagnoses are there?

There are many different kinds of intersex body and sex characteristics. We come across children and adults with XXY or Klinefelter syndrome, androgen insensitivity (AIS), 5α-reductase deficiency (5α‐RD2), 17ß-hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase 3 deficiency (17β‐HSD3), hypospadias, Turner syndrome (X0), Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser (MRKH), micropenis, ambiguous genitalia, congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), clitoromegaly, hyperandrogenism, and many more.

We share in common some experiences of growing up with bodies that don’t fit stereotypical norms for females or males, and we also have many differences from each other. We have many different ways of understanding our bodies, our sexes and genders; we might prefer many different words to describe our sex characteristics, and that’s ok.

Sometimes we might have specific needs associated with a diagnosis. CAH might need immediate medical attention to manage adrenal issues. Klinefelter and Turner syndromes can each be associated with some specific developmental issues that may need support. Sometimes these issues can seem overwhelming, at other times they may seem overstated. Some people can go through a lifetime without being diagnosed, but yet experience the same issues.

Contact with other people with similar diagnoses and lived experience can make a huge difference.

The future

Intersex people lead happy and fulfilling lives and are active in all walks of life in Australia. We exist, and so do our families.

Our society is changing, it is becoming more accepting of different ways of being female or male, and more accepting of people who understand themselves in different ways. There are challenges for all of us, but the future looks welcoming.


Meeting other people, and understanding your body, make a huge difference. This video is by Young Intersex, filmed in Brussels in 2017.

Resources

Here are some personal stories by parents on raising their child:

Resources about parenting intersex children:

Documentaries, art and stories by intersex people:

Fiction:


A parent talks: this piece for television, broadcast by SBS in March 2015, includes an interview with a parent. Read about this story here, and a follow-up article here.

 
We also recommend the UN site United Nations for Intersex Awareness

More information

Find out more about the information in this page on the following pages:

  • YOUth&I stories, poems and art by intersex youth, edited by Steph Lum, 2019
  • Intersex for allies introduces intersex issues to a broad audience. Available to read online, or download as a PDF and print.
  • Intersex in the workplace introduces information for employers and unions on intersex people and issues in the workplace. This also contains links to resources developed in collaboration with partners, and by UNISON in the UK.
  • Defining intersex: Australian and international definitions.
  • Read more on intersex intersectionalities including with women, disabled people and LGBT peoples.
  • Resources listing – a curated list of key resources on the Intersex Human Rights Australia site.

This page is periodically updated.